Impulsiveness

     Another Pray.com email that almost seemed tailor-made for me.  I struggle with impulsiveness a lot, forgetting that things take time and go through a process.

 

How does impatience affect our relationship with God?

Impatience can lead to costly mistakes.

Acts of insecurity and impatience begin a domino effect of chaos.

In 1 Samuel 13, we encounter Saul facing a crucial moment as king of Israel. The Philistines gather their forces for battle against Israel, and Saul musters his troops, waiting for Samuel the prophet to arrive and offer sacrifices before the Lord. However, as the days pass and Samuel fails to appear, Saul's impatience grows, and he makes a fateful decision.

Instead of waiting for Samuel as instructed, Saul takes matters into his own hands and offers the burnt offering himself, violating God's commandments and presuming upon the role reserved for the priest.

Saul thinks he can do it all. He’s gravely mistaken.

His impulsive action reveals a lack of trust in God's timing and a failure to recognize the importance of obedience and submission to divine authority.

Saul's impatience not only results in disobedience but also begins a domino effect in Saul’s life. It is the first of many small compromises he makes as King, prompting Samuel's rebuke and the pronouncement of God's judgment upon Saul's kingdom. The consequences of Saul's rashness extend far beyond the immediate moment, setting the stage for future conflicts and challenges in his reign.

This episode serves as a cautionary tale about the dangers of impatience in our walk with God. When we grow restless and discontented with God's timing, we may be tempted to take matters into our own hands, disregarding His instructions and seeking quick solutions to our problems. However, such impulsive actions often lead to unforeseen consequences and hinder God's purposes in our lives.

 

     I am stressed out.  I sometimes go to pages I am currently on by accident, I'm crying more than usual, and I can't deal with most days unless I hear my Tara Platt/Abby Trott playlist: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLlPWtMe7zpdf-8g36hpHGO_NmKY5Vsrou That and video analyses by a guy named PolterGibbst, as well as Pokemon Shining Pearl and DVDs, are my escapism right now.  A lot has become tainted with Political reminders, which really makes me think it was inevitable that the United States' hyper-patriotism and worship of the military was inevitably going to lead to fascism and extermination of minorities.  There are two voices constantly fighting inside of me, one demanding total perfection towards the minorities and one that is a worn-out child, clinging to old things and not wanting to be militaristic.  Also, I got the identity of the singing guitarist from Ms. Rachel wrong, their name is Jules and they are non-binary.  So Mom was right in saying they look trans (because they are, somewhat), but based on their Wikipedia bio, that's not the reason they were hired, so I was right in that regard.  Her reaction also reminded me of a bit in that bio that said parents didn't like people with "they/them" pronouns in children's programming, and I feel "if they want to do it, they should have the right to do that."  

 

    I believe the next wide protest is May 1st.  I kind of want to make a sign, but I have misplaced my markers.

 

    I'm going to the Warren Haynes concert in Seattle tomorrow and am looking forward to it.

I'm sorry to do another one of these posts...

     ...but I've honestly lost all hope.  This IS the Great Tribulation.  Trump IS the devil/the antichrist.  AI and his merchandise IS the mark on the head and hand, which WILL remove you from the Book of Life.  And we have NO idea when Jesus is going to set things right, it could be 3 and a half years, it could be 42 years.  The point is, I AM DEFINITELY going to be sent to an El Salvador concentration camp sometime between now and August.  My last entertainment experience was either today with "A Minecraft Movie," or it will be the Mariners' Pride game or getting the Haru Okamura Pop-Up Parade figure from Amazon in July.  I want to see the "Something Beautiful" movie, the new "Jurassic World" that has ScarJo with my Mom and the second part of the "Wicked" movie, but that almost certainly isn't going to happen.  I've almost completely run out of space in my apartment, my job coach is not helping me get the jobs I'm sending him, so I will soon have no income, and if I ran away to Canada, Trump would send the military to bomb Vancouver to be rid of a blogger who once told his enemies to try to kill him and destroy Nashville and Dallas.  I will likely be one of the first arrested when the hammer comes down and it WILL come down VERY SOON, likely before my Birthday next month.  The protests on April 5th played into his hands, he will cite that as an "insurrection" to criminalize the Democrat Party and begin arrests of people he deems dangerous.  I will go and Yuri Lowenthal, Chris Hackney and Liam O'Brien's BlueSky accounts will fall silent as they get shipped off to the death prisons where they will be beaten and raped.  YouTube gaming and music is the only thing that keeps me afloat.  It's over.

A good reminder from Pray.com

     I've subscribed to a Christian email list that sends me Biblical messages every day.  This one was particularly profound, so I'm sharing it:

 

“Revenge is a sign of moral weakness.”

 

What’s the difference between justice and revenge?

Justice is for the greater good, while revenge indulges our emotions.

The escalating cycle of vengeance between Samson and the Philistines reaches its zenith in Judges 15, illustrating the destructive power of unchecked anger and the absence of wisdom in leadership. Samson, driven by personal grievance rather than divine directive, embarks on a path of retribution that sees entire communities caught in the crossfire of his wrath.

This chapter highlights Samson's physical strength but exposes the limitations of his character.

His actions, while devastating to the Philistines, also bring suffering to his people. When we give in to our anger and hate, people we love get hurt.

This episode of Bible in a Year serves as a cautionary tale about the consequences of personal vengeance and the importance of seeking God's guidance before we move. It also challenges the notion that strength and victory are achieved through force alone.

We must seek strength that is tempered by wisdom.

Our greatest battles are not always against external enemies. They are often against the impulses within us that lead us away from God's purposes.

How to apply Three Hundred Foxes and a Jawbone: Reflect on the ways in which you might be allowing personal grievances or anger to dictate your actions. Consider how such motivations align with God's desires for justice, mercy, and reconciliation. This week, seek to understand the difference between pursuing personal vendettas and seeking justice in a manner that reflects God's heart.  

 

 

    I don't think it's any secret that I'm struggling with revenge-based thinking, a sort of "you threaten and hurt the communities I care about, I will want you dead."  Anger about the situation is more than okay, but when those thoughts turn to violence, at the very least you will hate yourself or make excuses that the deaths of good people are necessary casualties to get rid of the bad ones.  This is where I'm struggling, because I have very black and white thinking, which hasn't helped me at all.  I would appreciate your prayers.

No foolin', been in a dark place

    I think I have to admit it, I have an internet problem.  Every day, I am inundated with bad news in email and BlueSky due to the messed-up politics of the United States.  I even only refer to it as the United States, because the term "American" should no longer be monopolized by that country, it is a sign of our head-up-our-ass arrogance to assume the United States is the only America, forgetting that many other countries exist on North and South America.  I often hear the many international laws and statutes Trump is breaking as he sends civilians to be tortured in El Salvador from voice actors, plus his funding of Israel's genocide and the ongoing voice acting strike against the video game companies, who seek to replace them with AI by having access to their performances and feeding them into the program to read lines, saving the CEOs and no one else money and forcing the voice actors to be homeless or work minimum wage jobs.  Elon Musk has targeted Social Security for dismantling and I get told if the election tonight doesn't turn out right, it is likely the program will die within 82 days.

 

    I was hoping my last weekend at my brother and sister-in-law's place would calm me down, but they put on Ms. Rachel, who has a singing guitarist named Jewel who looks like Brandi Carlile.  Mom has been trying to figure out the Trump voter's mind, since she knows they aren't bone-stupid, and outright said "I think Trump voters see what I see in this show.  Do they have to have someone who looks like a trans woman with a nose ring?" I replied she looks like Brandi Carlile and that Brandi was on Sesame Street and she said, "Oh, Sesame Street--" about to disparage it before my brother lampshaded her.  It stuck with me because this is the kind of stuff I hear on the internet from transphobes and homophobes, the belief that LGBTQ+ people are literally everywhere and only get to be so because the media is specifically hiring them for their orientation, not their relevant qualities.  This "agenda mentality" is present in people who have made my life Hell online, using the term "woke" and thinking these people lack appropriate talent.  I've always seen it as when being gay or otherwise interested in the same gender comes up in entertainment writing, it is because the company wants to reach out to the community, maybe bandage the long-time wounds they've gotten at home or school.  Sometimes, LGBTQ+ people help them make these decisions, the voice actresses of Sapphic couple Yang and Blake in RWBY are interested in both men and women.  These people are oppressed, Amanda Winn-Lee pointed out the United States' treatment of trans people fits all the qualities of genocide, there is statements of "straight power" and other barbaric behavior online, especially corrective rape and murder of lesbian and bisexual characters.  DeviantArt continually draws Yang being raped or as a servant of Deku from My Hero Academia, even taking her screenshots with Blake and redrawing them with him.  I also believe Edelgard from Fire Emblem; Three Houses is mostly not on that website because they hate her for being an icon for lesbian/bisexual women.

 

    I have spoken in an annihilistic fashion, but it is only because I see this when it did not exist 10 years ago, which says to me we are on a path to killing these people en masse, especially with the downfall of democracy in the States.  I can easily see this country building Auschwitz-style death camps in the coming months to wipe this community and its allies out, especially because even if a Federal Judge will say "no," Trump and Musk will simply say, "I'm not going to listen to you," do it anyway and get their minions in Congress to criminalize all Federal Judges.  This country has the potential right now to eclipse Nazi Germany in expansion and genocide under the current mentality, ignoring policies built to say "don't let this happen again."  It infuriates me so much I want the Republicans to see who they are, monsters who are destroying the world, but they will feel nothing if Seattle or Los Angeles is destroyed, rather, they will laugh in triumph.  If another nation is to strike militarily on the United States, strike Washington DC to try to kill the politicians, Nashville for being the right's Hollywood, and Dallas for being another key right-wing city.  I don't like talking like this, but I can see the hate, the arrogance, the bigotry and the prejudice in what they say and would not hesitate to say it is worse than the Nazis thanks to their ability to infiltrate every safe space thanks to the internet.  Since we are such a danger to the world, I genuinely think a solution would be to annihilate the entire United States, just to declare this attitude has no place on this planet anymore and to keep it from spreading.