A good reminder from Pray.com

     I've subscribed to a Christian email list that sends me Biblical messages every day.  This one was particularly profound, so I'm sharing it:

 

“Revenge is a sign of moral weakness.”

 

What’s the difference between justice and revenge?

Justice is for the greater good, while revenge indulges our emotions.

The escalating cycle of vengeance between Samson and the Philistines reaches its zenith in Judges 15, illustrating the destructive power of unchecked anger and the absence of wisdom in leadership. Samson, driven by personal grievance rather than divine directive, embarks on a path of retribution that sees entire communities caught in the crossfire of his wrath.

This chapter highlights Samson's physical strength but exposes the limitations of his character.

His actions, while devastating to the Philistines, also bring suffering to his people. When we give in to our anger and hate, people we love get hurt.

This episode of Bible in a Year serves as a cautionary tale about the consequences of personal vengeance and the importance of seeking God's guidance before we move. It also challenges the notion that strength and victory are achieved through force alone.

We must seek strength that is tempered by wisdom.

Our greatest battles are not always against external enemies. They are often against the impulses within us that lead us away from God's purposes.

How to apply Three Hundred Foxes and a Jawbone: Reflect on the ways in which you might be allowing personal grievances or anger to dictate your actions. Consider how such motivations align with God's desires for justice, mercy, and reconciliation. This week, seek to understand the difference between pursuing personal vendettas and seeking justice in a manner that reflects God's heart.  

 

 

    I don't think it's any secret that I'm struggling with revenge-based thinking, a sort of "you threaten and hurt the communities I care about, I will want you dead."  Anger about the situation is more than okay, but when those thoughts turn to violence, at the very least you will hate yourself or make excuses that the deaths of good people are necessary casualties to get rid of the bad ones.  This is where I'm struggling, because I have very black and white thinking, which hasn't helped me at all.  I would appreciate your prayers.

No foolin', been in a dark place

    I think I have to admit it, I have an internet problem.  Every day, I am inundated with bad news in email and BlueSky due to the messed-up politics of the United States.  I even only refer to it as the United States, because the term "American" should no longer be monopolized by that country, it is a sign of our head-up-our-ass arrogance to assume the United States is the only America, forgetting that many other countries exist on North and South America.  I often hear the many international laws and statutes Trump is breaking as he sends civilians to be tortured in El Salvador from voice actors, plus his funding of Israel's genocide and the ongoing voice acting strike against the video game companies, who seek to replace them with AI by having access to their performances and feeding them into the program to read lines, saving the CEOs and no one else money and forcing the voice actors to be homeless or work minimum wage jobs.  Elon Musk has targeted Social Security for dismantling and I get told if the election tonight doesn't turn out right, it is likely the program will die within 82 days.

 

    I was hoping my last weekend at my brother and sister-in-law's place would calm me down, but they put on Ms. Rachel, who has a singing guitarist named Jewel who looks like Brandi Carlile.  Mom has been trying to figure out the Trump voter's mind, since she knows they aren't bone-stupid, and outright said "I think Trump voters see what I see in this show.  Do they have to have someone who looks like a trans woman with a nose ring?" I replied she looks like Brandi Carlile and that Brandi was on Sesame Street and she said, "Oh, Sesame Street--" about to disparage it before my brother lampshaded her.  It stuck with me because this is the kind of stuff I hear on the internet from transphobes and homophobes, the belief that LGBTQ+ people are literally everywhere and only get to be so because the media is specifically hiring them for their orientation, not their relevant qualities.  This "agenda mentality" is present in people who have made my life Hell online, using the term "woke" and thinking these people lack appropriate talent.  I've always seen it as when being gay or otherwise interested in the same gender comes up in entertainment writing, it is because the company wants to reach out to the community, maybe bandage the long-time wounds they've gotten at home or school.  Sometimes, LGBTQ+ people help them make these decisions, the voice actresses of Sapphic couple Yang and Blake in RWBY are interested in both men and women.  These people are oppressed, Amanda Winn-Lee pointed out the United States' treatment of trans people fits all the qualities of genocide, there is statements of "straight power" and other barbaric behavior online, especially corrective rape and murder of lesbian and bisexual characters.  DeviantArt continually draws Yang being raped or as a servant of Deku from My Hero Academia, even taking her screenshots with Blake and redrawing them with him.  I also believe Edelgard from Fire Emblem; Three Houses is mostly not on that website because they hate her for being an icon for lesbian/bisexual women.

 

    I have spoken in an annihilistic fashion, but it is only because I see this when it did not exist 10 years ago, which says to me we are on a path to killing these people en masse, especially with the downfall of democracy in the States.  I can easily see this country building Auschwitz-style death camps in the coming months to wipe this community and its allies out, especially because even if a Federal Judge will say "no," Trump and Musk will simply say, "I'm not going to listen to you," do it anyway and get their minions in Congress to criminalize all Federal Judges.  This country has the potential right now to eclipse Nazi Germany in expansion and genocide under the current mentality, ignoring policies built to say "don't let this happen again."  It infuriates me so much I want the Republicans to see who they are, monsters who are destroying the world, but they will feel nothing if Seattle or Los Angeles is destroyed, rather, they will laugh in triumph.  If another nation is to strike militarily on the United States, strike Washington DC to try to kill the politicians, Nashville for being the right's Hollywood, and Dallas for being another key right-wing city.  I don't like talking like this, but I can see the hate, the arrogance, the bigotry and the prejudice in what they say and would not hesitate to say it is worse than the Nazis thanks to their ability to infiltrate every safe space thanks to the internet.  Since we are such a danger to the world, I genuinely think a solution would be to annihilate the entire United States, just to declare this attitude has no place on this planet anymore and to keep it from spreading.

Been almost 2 weeks

     There has been a lot of stress for me in the last 2 weeks, but it's been hard to phrase it.  The big thing that stresses me out is Europe is almost ready to go to war with America based on the emails I've read; with a French submarine docked in Ontario in case Canada gets invaded and them demanding the Statue of Liberty back.  I don't know how to handle this because I am the sort of person who worries about being thought of as prejudiced, while this cult is willing to cut off anyone who disagrees with them even slightly.  They claim religion, but that isn't how I was raised to think Jesus is.  There is a lot of hurt and anger and it overwhelms me, so I try to hide on BlueSky, but I get a lot of posts about the ongoing SAG strike against interactive media because 7 companies want the ability to mine their voice clips and create programs to replace them.  It actually makes me wonder if I should delete my "Great Voice Acting" playlist, because it could be a smorgasbord for the programs they are trying to invest in.

 

    On the other hand, seeing videos from "Date Everything" and Abby Trott's performance as Momo Ayase in DanDaDan are highlights of my current life, plus it's where I can remember Annette and Edelgard's warmth towards the protagonist of Fire Emblem; Three Houses.  Living alone, especially in these times, makes me crave reminders that good people who care about people like me still exist and haven't been erased.  I also share music and clips from Women for Women's History Month on BlueSky, especially Heart, Stevie Nicks, Miley Cyrus and Ariana Grande, as well as baseball highlights from the Spring Training of the day.  Right now, the Dodgers and Cubs are playing the season opener in Tokyo, which features Yoshinobu Yamamoto and Shota Imanaga pitching, the first time 2 Japanese pitchers start an MLB opener and the first time they start for the MLB in Japan.  I got a Seattle Mariners LGBTQ+ Pride cap off eBay for Pride Night against the Baltimore Orioles and my first concert of the year is Bit Brigade at the Wild Buffalo, performing music from Super Mario World and F-Zero.  I still have 8 pre-orders left on Amazon, and I found out that blocking the website is harder than I thought; I browse their upcoming CDs to chill and see what music is heading our way and without it, I went to an art website where I found corrective rape and erasure art against the LGBTQ+ community.

 

    The state of online art is truly sad to me when I look back on pieces 20 years ago.  Then, people had fun making art, and their joy made you want to try out Final Fantasy games that weren't on Nintendo systems at the time.  Now, I'm sick of all the memes, Sonic fanart and bids to be "internet famous" without any work by using image generation.  Also, 20 years ago, I don't recall seeing the amount of art produced in hatred that there is today.  Famous people are saying "don't put me in AI images" and they do anyway.  I miss the Stone of Adventure; a cheesecake website that made me interested in Final Fantasy VII and original characters while also producing more "all-acceptable" fanart of Link from Wind Waker and Starfire and Raven from Teen Titans.  Now, it's just generated imagery of Black Widow and Sonic the Hedgehog and hate art on Yang Xiao Long from RWBY for being a lesbian.  And don't get me started on the "react" memes.

 

    New albums are coming out soon from Elton John with Brandi Carlile, Billy Idol and Don Felder, which I'm looking forward to.  This Thursday night, Rush will release a box set celebrating 50 years of their existence, and I've been buying, playing and sharing Rush to attempt to show support for Canada.  At some point this year, Miley Cyrus plans to release a visual album, and I'm not sure how that will work, if it'll be on DVD and BluRay, but she tends to produce quality work.  

 

    I want to believe all the current news crap is temporary and we'll go back to "normal" in 2029, but I have so much anxiety that this is how my life is to be until either I die or the Second Coming happens and I don't know which will happen first or when.  I need more relaxation to dive into, and that is hard when my mind loops bad news and bad thoughts like a tape.  I do so much online and it doesn't feel like enough.  I spend a lot of time crying and just wishing the hurt will go away.  I wish I had access to that human warmth Tara Platt and Abby Trott generate as their Fire Emblem characters all the time, the closest I get is Church, and that's only once a week, I often find myself forgetting the sermon in the stress of life.  That's all where I am right now, and I hope this was informative if nothing else.

Another stress release valve post

     I've been trying to come to terms with all the junk that's happened in my life, not just the past decade.  When I was 2, I had hernia surgery and they took me away from my Mom after telling her she could hold onto me longer.  I was diagnosed a "failure to thrive" child due to my Gluten Intolerance.  I was bullied pretty fiercely from 4th Grade to Junior Year of High School over me going off by myself during recess to dream up stories, my fandom of Godzilla and them singing off-key "Happy Birthday" every day.  They called me retarded and they said Pink Floyd was better than The Beatles and they mocked my religion.  I spent 10 years in a Church whose congregation would earn Cabinet posts these days for their homophobia and distaste of certain rock and metal bands.  It doesn't help that I feel like I'm an empath, feeling other's suffering like it was my own.  The Laramie Project, the Pulse Nightclub shooting, the pain video game characters' backstories have, I cry and Mom says I might take it worse than the people it's happening to.  I saw a photo of a Canada Goose fighting off a Bald Eagle and said to myself "God loves Canada more than the United States, he will send the EU, UK and Canada to destroy this country and the best-case scenario is that the last few Americans will starve to death and cannibalize in the rubble."  I've seen online art of men committing corrective rape on lesbians and performing LGBTQ+ erasure.  The Republican government has no floor, and I can tell my fate is likely to be chained to a wall, legs broken and healing improperly, watching them perform corrective rape on all my lesbian friends.  I've been through so much, I don't want to go through that much more.

Thoughts as March begins

     I don't know how to handle this.  It feels like there are 16-17 voices in my head yelling at me to be perfect, anticipate everything from online posting and that I'm not doing enough.  I can barely look at my email or Facebook anymore, there is too much worry that paralyzes me and revs up those voices.  The voices want me to donate until I'm over $1,000 in debt, believing that will change things.  I've found replacements for the books, CDs and figurines from Amazon; World of Books, MP3s and Entertainment Earth, but my mind wants to punish me by having me delete the pre-orders I made to finish up my business there.  Two just arrived this last weekend, a gift for Cortney and the deluxe edition of Bon Jovi's "Slippery When Wet."

 

    I am losing it over YouTube.  I try to find Edelgard, Annette and Tara Platt-related voice videos, which results in the algorithm thinking I want to watch Dimitri stuff, which will cast Edelgard as an over-the-top, punishes her friends villainess who burns things down, lets flow rivers of blood and deserves death.  I dated her and Annette in the game, getting the video game relationship as high as it could go, which makes me really want to play Rune Factory: Guardians of Azuma and Date Everything.  Right now, I'm playing Pokemon Scarlet, which is fun, I'm getting all the Pokemon I want, but I'm nervous about getting wiped out by gym leaders and other bosses.  I also need to be an experience level I'm not yet to finish off the challenges of the Elite Four and Cassiopeia.  Even then, my anxiety worries I'm selecting the wrong types to challenge them with.  It'd be better if I didn't worry about using the screenshots for my BlueSky profile, but I've gotten such positive reactions to doing that.  I also have a pimple on my spine on the back of my neck that is causing me a lot of pain and someone said my Women's History Month playlist was "so white."

Trying to hold on to light

     The recent Republican attacks and fears on everything I hold dear have taken such a toll I made my most recent Counselor appointment a phone call and missed the memoir class, both times because I was in the shower too long, trying to get out of it, failing and crying.  What helps me is having victories and taking control of my life.  I have 9 preorders left on Amazon and even if Jeff Bezos wasn't a Nazi, I don't know how much I'd shop there anymore.  Most of my purchases there are CDs (buying MP3s is phasing that out) and figurines I can get elsewhere.  

 

    I have been playing Pokemon Scarlet and beat all 8 gyms, all 5 Titan Pokemon and 4 out of 5 of the Team Star bases.  Soon, I will go to the Pokemon League and become a Champion, as well as accomplish the game beyond that.  I also have Shining Pearl and will play that after I'm finished with Scarlet.  The last Team Star base is Fairy-type, which is weak to Poison, so I'm training up a Pokemon I named "Eddie Randy" after Eddie Van Halen and Randy Rhoads, since it is canonically a guitarist in at least the Galar Region (they also call it a Punk Pokemon).  I am listening to them both in Spotify right now and their skills are still incredibly impressive.  I will confess, I'm finding myself liking gentle songs more these days, simply because that works better for my anxiety and depression about everything.  I keep feeling like certain music is going to be banned because of the romantic orientation of the artist or the message the artist did in several songs.  I have made a Black History Month playlist and a Woman's History Month playlist, and I've also bought the Twilight Zone and other positive message/entertainment things, such as the DVDs of Godzilla vs. King Ghidorah/Godzilla and Mothra; The Battle for Earth, Rebirth of Mothra I and II, Get Back by The Beatles, Night Gallery, the Japanese film House (the weirdest maybe-horror movie ever), Wicked Part 1 on DVD, Rear Window, the book by one of my predecessors "A Wandering Jew in Brazil," Figurines of Makoto Niijima from Persona 5 and Bernadetta Von Varley from Fire Emblem; Three Houses and a sticker of Edelgard waving a lesbian Pride flag to go with my Bumbleby necklace.  I also bought tickets to several concerts in my area of Don Felder (guitarist for the Eagles), Warren Haynes, Take it to the Limit Eagles tribute band, Billy Idol with Joan Jett, and KT Tunstall.  I hope I can attend all of them.

 

Here are the playlists I mentioned:

 

Black History Month:

1.)    Fire-Jimi Hendrix

2.)    II MOST WANTED-Beyonce, Miley Cyrus

3.)    Part of Your World (reprise)-Halle

4.)    For the First Time-Halle

5.)    Born Under A Bad Sign-Albert King, Stevie Ray Vaughan

6.)    Stormy Monday-Albert King, Stevie Ray Vaughan

7.)    Underdog-Alicia Keys

8.)    Compassion-Brittney Spencer

9.)    Night In-Brittney Spencer

10.) Blackbird-Beyonce and others

11.) Paper Flowers-Alicia Keys, Brandi Carlile

12.) A Beautiful Noise-Alicia Keys, Brandi Carlile

13.) You’re Not Alone-Allison Russell, Brandi Carlile

14.) Jumpin’ Jack Flash-Aretha Franklin

15.) Amazing Grace (live)-Aretha Franklin

16.) Let it Be-Aretha Franklin

17.) The Long And Winding Road-Aretha Franklin

18.) Through the Storm-Aretha Franklin, Elton John

19.) Respect-Aretha Franklin

20.) Steep Climb-Eric Gales, Zakk Wylde

21.) You Shook Me-Willie Dixon

22.) Sweet Little Angel (live)-B.B. King

23.) The Thrill is Gone-B.B. King

24.) Spanish Castle Magic-Jimi Hendrix

25.) Little Miss Strange-Jimi Hendrix

26.) Fire (Live, Hollywood Bowl 1967)-Jimi Hendrix

27.) Foxy Lady (Live, L.A. Forum 1969)-Jimi Hendrix

28.) Voodoo Child (Slight Return) (Live, Maui 1970)-Jimi Hendrix

29.) Foxy Lady-Jimi Hendrix

30.) Fire (Live, Woodstock 1969)-Jimi Hendrix

31.) Purple Haze-Jimi Hendrix

32.) Voodoo Child (Slight Return) (Live, L.A. Forum 1969)-Jimi Hendrix

33.) Sunshine of Your Love (Live, L.A. Forum 1969)-Jimi Hendrix

34.) Voodoo Child (Slight Return) (Reprise) (Live, L.A. Forum 1969)-Jimi Hendrix

 

I've also been posting at least 4 videos of African-American baseball players or musicians to BlueSky every day this month. 

Women's History Month

 

 

1.)    Landslide-Fleetwood Mac

2.)    FLOWERS-Miley Cyrus

3.)    Barracuda-Heart

4.)    Heart of Glass-Blondie

5.)    What Has Rock and Roll Ever Done For You?-Dolly Parton, Stevie Nicks

6.)    Heart of Glass-Dolly Parton, Debbie Harry

7.)    Famous on the Inside-Tara Platt, Brendan McCreary

8.)    Dub Love-Tara Platt, Big Lugg, Yuri Lowenthal

9.)    I Love Rock n Roll-Joan Jett and the Blackhearts

10.) Crimson and Clover-Joan Jett and the Blackhearts, Tommy James, Dave Grohl, Miley Cyrus

11.) Heart of Glass (Live)-Miley Cyrus

12.) Wrecking Ball X Nothing Compares 2 U (Live)-Miley Cyrus

13.) The Wonder of the Cross-Vicky Beeching

14.) His Grace is Sufficient-Jennifer Knapp

15.) How Great Thou Art-Carrie Underwood

16.) Thy Word-Amy Grant

17.) El Shaddai (Live 1989)-Amy Grant

18.) Love Wins-Carrie Underwood

19.) Malibu-Kim Petras

20.) Over My Heard (Live on the Midnight Special)-Fleetwood Mac

21.) Rhiannon (Live on the Midnight Special)-Fleetwood Mac

22.) Why (Live on the Midnight Special)-Fleetwood Mac

23.) Freedom-Fleetwood Mac

24.) When Will I Be Loved?-Stevie Nicks, Sheryl Crow, Carrie Underwood, others

25.) Raise Hell-Brandi Carlile

26.) The Eye-Brandi Carlile

27.) The Story-Brandi Carlile

28.) Mainstream Kid-Brandi Carlile

29.) Never Too Late-Brandi Carlile, Elton John

30.) Who Believes in Angels?-Brandi Carlile, Elton John

31.) Don’t Call Me Angel-Ariana Grande, Miley Cyrus, Lana del Rey

32.) Popular-Ariana Grande

33.) No tears left to cry (Live, Paris 2019)-Ariana Grande

34.) Let it Be-Aretha Franklin

35.) Thousand Miles-Miley Cyrus, Brandi Carlile

36.) Poor Everybody Else-Carrie Underwood

37.) METALI!!-BABYMETAL, Tom Morello

38.) RATATATA-BABYMETAL, Electric Callboy

39.) Nothing Else Matters-Miley Cyrus, Andrew Watt, Elton John, Robert Trujillo, Chad Smith, YoYo Ma

40.) Free Bird-Dolly Parton, Ronnie Van Zant, Gary Rossington, Artimus Pyle

 

That's all for now.