The End of 2023

     2023 was a year of 2 wildly different moods.  There was a sense of helplessness and a lack of hope and fear of lethal abuses of power on one side, but on the other, there were enjoyable recreational experiences; great sports and video game memories and wonderful music as well as statements made towards 2024.  I'm entering the next year with dread, but I do have things I'm looking forward to, and while I'm not sure where the road leads in a lot of areas, I am going to just have to live life and hope it stays at least mixed and I can find joy even in grief.

 

    Let's get over the first side.  There was a ton of senseless brutality in the world in 2023.  Russia is still attacking Ukraine in Putin's mad quest to rebuild the Soviet Union, Hamas abducted Israeli civilians and slaughtered children and those attending a music festival, giving Israel an excuse to start a genocide of Gaza civilians, Texas ordered a woman to keep an embryo's corpse inside her, which likely would kill her, SAG went on strike against the CEOs and Producers and got screwed over by the deal they made, in which AI can be used to rob them of work and scan people in certain kinds of work so as to keep them working against their will, SCOTUS ruled Businesses can discriminate against LGBTQ+ people, which made me think they will rule that killing them doesn't count as murder so long as you can recite Leviticus 20:13 from memory and Jack Smith brought cases against the obese fascist whose last name starts with "T" before them, which made me think they'd rule all his horrors, war crimes and crimes against humanity would fall under the realm of the First Amendment, thus saying the quiet part out loud, Republicans have exclusive rights Democrats do not have, and they include murder.  And don't get me started on the transphobia.  I honestly have a hard time comprehending how vicious it can get.

 

    It is little wonder, then, that my blood pressure has climbed significantly, and I feel almost constantly on edge.  But, shortly after this past year began, I was treated to a cover of Journey's "Separate Ways (Worlds Apart)" by Daughtry and Lzzy Hale.  Not long after that, I got Fire Emblem; Engage, in which I took Alear, a naive but kindhearted woman who is also a Manakete (capable of becoming a dragon, though she does not), and spent the game with characters like Marth (a noble, friendly hero voiced by Yuri Lowenthal), Yunaka (a hilarious, cute dagger-thrower voiced by Laura Post), Lucina (a hard-working heroine voiced by Alexis Tipton) and my old friend from Three Houses, Edelgard (an axe-wielding kind woman with strong convictions who can be hard on herself voiced by Tara Platt).  There was a lot of good music this year, like Miley Cyrus' "Endless Summer Vacation" album and "Used to Be Young," Dolly Parton's "Rockstar" and Brandi Carlile's "Closer to Fine" with her wife/partner Catherine and "Dear Insecurity" with Brandy Clark, as well as The Beatles' last single, "Now and Then."

 

    Also, while the Mariners didn't make the playoffs, the two games I saw had highlights and connections that will last for some time.  There was a game in July against the Blue Jays, where former Blue Jay Teoscar Hernandez hit a walk-off single that scored the deciding run, winning the game for Seattle.  The Blue Jays' first run came off the only home run I saw in person this season, Danny Jansen, who, in September, I saw a highlight clip of talking to George Springer's bat.  Whatever he said must've worked, because next at-bat, Springer got a double.  Julio Rodriguez robbed Fernando Tatis Jr. of a home run at the next game in August to our delight, and Logan Gilbert locked down the Padres with a career-best 12 strikeouts.  And while we weren't as invested in the playoffs around here as we were last year, I still saw that Bryce Harper hit a home run on his birthday.  He also shares his birthday with Sue Bird, formerly of the Seattle Storm, now retired.

 

    I have a pretty full plate of entertainment for the year ahead.  The first big thing is at the end of January, when I'm going to Anime Washington in Tacoma.  I have made arrangements to stay at my Aunt's house, and am so psyched for it, I have already placed, effectively, props for photos I want to take with the voice actors I want to meet in a reusable grocery bag that has Godzilla on it in the style of Metallica's "Ride The Lightning" album cover.  Namely, I have Edelgard and Byleth plushies for Tara Platt, a Wendy Marvell plushie for Brittney Karbowski and Yang and Blake figurines for Barbara Dunkelman and Arryn Zech.  In March, I have a ticket to see Petty or Not, a local tribute band to the works of Tom Petty and Stevie Nicks.  I saw a few videos on YouTube, and they do songs like "I Won't Back Down," "American Girl," "Runnin' Down A Dream," "The Chain," "Rhiannon," "Edge of Seventeen," "Stop Draggin' My Heart Around" and "Handle Me With Care" really well.  In April, I aim to see the Seattle Kraken play the San Jose Sharks and the Seattle Mariners play the Atlanta Braves, the in May, I'm planning on seeing the Mariners play the Kansas City Royals and then in August, I plan to see the Mariners play the Phillies.

 

    I'm honestly very concerned and dreading this new year because it's an election year.  2016 and 2020 were just plain awful, let's face it, and we had to deal with the uprising of this cult in America that drags Jesus' name into the mud with its obsession with punishment, oftentimes, violent punishment.  I know we all can only do so much, but we must not let this win.  My anxiety and depression makes emotions more raw to me than to others, and I watched my parents divorce in a stressful, screaming, arguing meltdown.  I experienced the prototypical stage of this cult at the second main Church I have clear memories of, how you have to answer every question and conversation how they want to hear it, or you'll face a lecture.  That may not sound like much, but to me, it's a warning before they start hitting you to straighten you out.  That attitude then became the second-large political party in America's entire identity, and they are pursuing an ideal that is not God, is not Jesus, but is ultimately wrath and punishment and no consequence.  Voting is what we should do against this, and I am going to do my best to limit certain social media websites until after election day.

Christmas Update

 

              Christmas feels strange this year.  There’s no gift exchange with my Mom’s family, meaning I’m not searching Amazon for a $35-50 present based on their wishlist or what I know about them, for one thing.  For another, my brother and sister-in-law aren’t traveling up here because they have to take care of their baby.  Also, a war broke out a little over two months ago, meaning we’re all playing “Happy Xmas (War is Over)” in the hopes that Israel will stop bombing Gaza and Hamas will stop killing Israeli civilians.  Since both groups are blinded by rage and aggression, it’s only to make us feel like we’re doing something, because otherwise we do nothing and feel worse.  However, this has apparently caused more people to lash out.

 

              I’m seeing complaints at sports teams especially, which I haven’t typically seen around this time of year (other than the fact that teams and free agents have seemed unwilling to make deals with the Seattle Mariners without likely being unreasonable last year as well as this year).  This is troubling for me, because I want to dive into entertainment to ignore the pains of the world, especially since I can’t fix the war-torn areas of the world.  The SAG strike made that really hard, it was “resolved” with effectively SAG being screwed over by the corporations, CEOs and producers.  I am hopeful that as the years pass, nothing truly horrible happens to the actors I enjoy, but it’s difficult to think that.  This is part of the reason why I’m soured on the film industry right now, another is that WB is phasing out DVDs for BluRays, also, unscrupulous people succeed and relatively innocent people lose everything and generic action schlock is seeming to win out over well-crafted love letters.

 

              Due to that, I’m mostly hoping my Nintendo Switch will have some good entertainment going forward.  I am hoping to get Super Mario RPG and Super Mario Bros. Wonder for Christmas.  After those, I plan on getting Princess Peach Showtime next year, and I’m not sure beyond that, to be honest.  I do have several games I hope to finish, so hopefully I will do that over the next several years.  I also have plans to see 2 concerts at the Mt. Baker Theatre next year, Petty or Not and a Pride Anthems show.  I also have tickets to see the Seattle Kraken play the San Jose Sharks and the Seattle Mariners play the Atlanta Braves, Kansas City Royals and Philadelphia Phillies.  I also have a ticket to the Anime Washington convention in Tacoma, where there will be several voice actors and actresses who have played important and memorable characters in my life, notably Tara Platt, Brittney Karbowski, Arryn Zech with Barbara Dunkelman and Ruby and Weiss' actresses, Yuri Lowenthal, Kate Higgins, Erika Harlacher, Elizabeth Maxwell and more.

A Christmas Short Fan Fiction

 Just something I came up with think about the new Edelgard, Byleth and other Christmas variants in Fire Emblem Heroes.

              Edelgard sighed as she saw the kids run.  They were going to get presents from Dimitri, it was easy for him to be popular, his views weren’t born in pain.  She twirled her spear, feeling sad.  “I don’t want to feel sad.” She thought.  “But the kids aren’t picking out my presents for the Winter Festival.  I suppose it isn’t a contest, but I want to hug and be hugged…like he is.”  She stuck the end of her spear in the snow, trying to hold back tears.

 

              Edelgard heard footsteps approach, turning to see Byleth, her professor, also in Winter Festival clothes like her and Dimitri both were.  “You okay?” asked Byleth.

 

              “I feel…alone…” muttered Edelgard.

 

              “Then I’ll stay here with you, it’s not good to be alone at the Winter Festival.” Smiled Byleth, putting her hand on Edelgard’s shoulder.  Edelgard smiled as turned to Byleth, her eyes damp with tears.

 

              “Merry Winter Festival, my teacher.” She said quietly, hugging Byleth.  She didn’t care who saw her, this was too important.  Byleth hugged her back and Edelgard kissed her on the cheek.  Byleth played with her antlers a little, making Edelgard chuckle.

 

              “Merry Winter Festival, El.” Replied Byleth.

Struggle to be me

     Sleep eludes me, so I am writing.  I spent and am still spending, in some ways, a huge chunk of my life trying to fit in someone else's box.  Entertainers, internet users, fellow congregants, pastors...people who seem to have it together.  And all it does is make me mad because there is always some important to me thing they will dismiss and want me to give up.  Writing Samus and Zelda as a couple, the music I listen to, something religious or at least, part of religious rigamarole that has been there so long I can't imagine life without it.

 

      I fantasize about living in Fodlan, having a cozy place with Edelgard, Byleth, Lysithea, Annette and Caspar, where we play with cats, enjoy nature walks and eat comforting food and sing together.  I bought a ticket to Anime Washington, a convention in Tacoma, hoping to experience a taste of that with Tara Platt, Yuri Lowenthal, the women of Team RWBY, Brittney Karbowski and Erika Harlacher.  While only Platt is "of Fodlan," Fire Emblem Engage, Persona 4, RWBY, and the Fairy Tail and Demon Slayer games echo that small, uncomplicated comfort.  I don't know what a con is really like, but my brain hopes for a place where I can be me like that without feeling awkward or weird.

 

    I don't know what to say a lot of the time.  I am trying to be me, yet get support through social media, which treasures similarity and a lack of individuality.  I got likes for statements on an underrated entertainer I like and opinions on Godzilla Minus One, but I don't know how to get that in other topics.  There was little real sympathy for the half-decade since my Uncle died and also little support for things like "1975 was the best year of classic rock," "Miley Cyrus is a great rock singer, up there with Chris Cornell, Steven Tyler, Geoff Tate and Rob Halford," "SpaceGodzilla is my favorite of the Heisei Godzilla films," "My top Godzilla films would go 1-Godzilla; King of the Monsters 2019, 2-Godzilla vs. Mothra 1964, 3-Godzilla vs. SpaceGodzilla 1994 4-Shin Godzilla 2016 5-Gojira/Godzilla; King of the Monsters 1954, 6-Godzilla Minus One 2023, 7-Godzilla 1984, 8-Godzilla vs. Monster Zero 1965, 9-Godzilla vs. Biollante 1989, 10-Terror of MechaGodzilla 1975," "I like Sammy Hagar and Glenn Hughes and think they improved their bands," "'What has Rock and Roll Ever Done For You,' 'Wrecking Ball,' '(I Can't Get No) Satisfaction' 'Bygones,' 'Let it Be' and/or 'Free Bird' are my favorite tracks from Dolly Parton's 'Rockstar' album" and other such statements.  It is hard that no one else seems to put Annette and Edelgard together as friends in Three Houses when they were my game therapy while my mind was spinning from the insurrection, they showed an uncomplicated peace and hope that too many congregants in my past tried to destroy with legalism.  God and Jesus' spirit is found in the uncomplicated, the rest under the blanket, the willingness to shed tears due to an inability to fix the problem presented to you, the kindness shown in the small moments of sharing lunch and tea.  The other paths suggest coexistence with the legalism that hurt me and continues to do so, ordering people who are small compared to you into a predetermined box.

 

    It is hard for me to treasure my individuality when so many act different.  I am fed up with MLB's sportswriters posting nonsense and snark rather than important stories of optimism fans want to hear.  Daniel Kramer mentions Alex Rodriguez way too much to a city that doesn't like him because he didn't like it, and the Mariners are constantly underrated.  I have enough faith in the team to buy tickets to 3 games, playing the Braves, Royals and Phillies.  Granted, I want to see players on the other teams, but I am at the point that both teams should be enjoyable, rather than just one.  Or maybe the sport is at that point.  I also bought a ticket for a Mt. Baker Theatre concert of a Tom Petty/Fleetwood Mac/Stevie Nicks tribute called "Petty or Not" in March, and will be seeing the venue's Pride Anthems in June to see if their tastes match up with mine.  I'm also going to see the Seattle Kraken play the San Jose Sharks, a team they clobbered 7-1 last month.  Still, I'm not sure if anyone else would be excited, and spending money now causes panic due to getting overdrawn too many times, thinking my Mom will lecture and scream at me for failing.  I can't buy MP3s without a sense of dread now, terrified by a misfire.  She's doing the best she can, but I get so mad at her sometimes because I can't explain my feelings right.  "I heard it on Spotify and liked it so I want more access to it in other places?"  "I know it is likely to be good because I know the artist and they don't make garbage?"  Does anyone else feel like they need to defend everything they do except grocery shopping and finding Edeleth, Annette and cat pictures? I keep hearing criticism on everything and it's making me angry and scared.  I'm starting to lash out in places, and I don't want to.  I don't know what it is to make decisions, confident they are right.