Tuesday, November 24, 2020

Fire Emblem Heroes Fan Fiction: Team Nonsense

 "Sometimes the only way to heal our scars is to make peace with the demons that created them."


               Edelgard Von Hresvelg had seen some truly strange sights since being summoned to the Order of Heroes in Askr.  She’d teamed with the legendary heroine Lucina and her old friend Petra, sure, but had also had Mercedes and Annette from Faerghus at her back in combat.  Some of the combat scenarios were also strange, Harvest Festival Heroes looking for candy, Princesses of Hoshido and Nohr in Hot Springs, versions of people she knew at Garreg Mach Monastery at the beach, warriors dressed as seafaring pirates even!  But this had to take the take.  Their opponents were ninjas.  Ninjas!  She had seen several warriors train to be ninjas, Petra and Shamir once attempted to be ninjas, but instead, her opponents were Lyn with Florina, a woman named Lavaetin she had never seen before, Zihark, who looked a bit like the Hero from Dragon Quest and even weirder, a ninja version of one of her own teammates for this mission, Hana!  Edelgard had fought doppelgangers of herself in the dream realms, yes, but never a version of herself who didn’t wield an axe of some sort.  And speaking of her team, it was the strangest that she had ever been a part of, making her wonder if the summoner had truly lost his mind after his nightmare.

 

               Hana, a samurai from Hoshido was there, brandishing a large sword, but standing next to her was a brash redhead with her hair in pigtails.  She insisted on being called, “Selena,” and their dialogue suggested this team didn’t have firm legs to stand on.  “Move your fat ass, you Hoshidan Hippo!” snorted Selena.

 

               “If anything, I’m underweight, you nasty Nohrian!” replied Hana.  “When you’re defending the beautiful Princess Hinoka, you must be in tip-top shape.”

 

               “Hinoka’s a flat-chested loser with no personality, Camilla calls me her ‘little fireball.’” Replied Selena with a snort.

 

               “Probably because you’ll burn the place down, you hothead!” shouted Hana.

 

               “You want to get in a duel, right here, right now?!” barked back Selena.

 

               “Children, children, please, save your brutality for our opponents.” Said an older voice as two women in bikinis appeared on the battlefield.  Which brought Edelgard to the worst part about this team.  Ordinarily, a team with Byleth would be a dream come true, but this wasn’t her wife.  This was a Byleth she met in the Beach realms and she came with a fighting partner.  And back home, this fighting partner created the society responsible for the scars hidden under Edelgard’s armor.  Back home, this was the beast she and Byleth put down with their weapons for a free Fodlan.  This was Rhea, and no matter how kind her smile, how soft her curves, seeing her mad Edelgard angry and seeing her touch HER WIFE made her FURIOUS!  “Hi, Edie, glad you could join us!” smiled Rhea.  Edelgard took off her armor on her left arm, revealing scars from the scalpels when she was a child.

 

               “Your sick obsession with crests did that.” She stated angrily.  “My uncle wanted to know what happens if someone gets two.  ALL THEIR SIBLINGS DIE AND I HAVE TO REMEMBER THEIR PAIN FOREVER, YOU WITCH!”  Rhea frowned.

 

               “I’m sorry.  I’m not the Rhea you know, I didn’t create that society, but I don’t blame you for being mad.” She said.  “Can you turn your rage towards our opponents, I want to help you today.”  Edelgard paused, putting her armor back.  She had already teamed with Mercedes and Annette in these realms, why not even Rhea if she was willing?

 

               “All right, but no tricks.” She said.  Edelgard headed to Lyn and Florina, their shurikens harmlessly bouncing off her armor before she clobbered them with her axe, defeating them.  Lavaetin hit Rhea and Byleth with a Shuriken, but Byleth got her feet wet with seawater before a light from the sky knocked out the lava princess.  Hana faced her counterpart, doing respectable damage with her sword, but was no match for her four ninja axes.  Zihark also took out Selena.

 

               “Which one should we go for?” asked Rhea.

 

               “I always relied on Byleth’s strategy, she’s the best tactitian I’ve ever met.” Replied Edelgard.

 

               “Rhea and I will go after Hana, you pursue Zihark, Selena didn’t damage him as much and you deal more damage.” Said Byleth.  Edelgard nodded, smashing the ninja with her ax while Byleth and Rhea used the same attack as before to defeat Hana.  “We won!” smiled Byleth.

 

               “It may take me some time to fully trust you, Rhea,” began Edelgard.  “But this was a good first step.”

 

               “I’m glad to hear that.  You don’t live in my realm, so you don’t need to worry about your autonomy.” Smiled Rhea.

 

               “I’m not, I just wish it was summer back home so my Byleth and I could wear bikinis.” Smiled back Edelgard.

 

               “You could come visit!” offered Byleth.

 

               “I’ll pass, no offense, but two identical Byleths might be confusing.” Edelgard Admitted.  Rhea and Byleth giggled at that.  Edelgard felt less tense as she reappeared in her Castle, relaxing in a comfy chair as Byleth came over.

 

               “Good day at Askr?” she asked.

 

               “Better than I expected.” Was all Edelgard said in response.

 

The End

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