After all this fighting, six years of an insane ideology that only straight, white conservative males and those who agree with them mean something and that to oppose that is to be silenced and ridiculed and possibly mauled by the underlings, I am exhausted and feel weaker than any other point in my life.
I did all I could to stop the ideology, to convince them people outside those thought patterns were human beings with desires and needs not far or different from their own and it did no good.
They still desired murder of dissenters, blamed minorities, ignored logic and science like never before and ranted about how we were spawn of the devil for not bowing to their false messiah.
They almost removed us altogether multiple times, lashing out against a 5,000,000 difference destructively, attempting to rid the country of us after the coup as a terrorist group.
Still, some work, denying rights to the downtrodden and scheming to rig the system so they will never lose again.
This relentless assault on my family; biological, spiritual and chosen through connection, has left me weary.
Almost every day brings with it a punch to the face, gut or groin. It’s harder and harder to stand up, and easier to binge-spend and binge-eat.
I try to avoid it, but a metal music news website is half a platform for Nugent, Kid Rock and Donnie and Johnny to spew their inane “the pandemic doesn’t exist,” “Biden is evil,” “We need blonde combover Hitler back because he loves us and will help Putin erase the Deep State in Ukraine” BS.
The last cuts deep, Ronnie was anti-racism, booing Governor Wallace. His brothers support DeSantis, who is homophobic, which is the same crap, just colored differently. Heck, Ronnie once went under the alias of a gay character in a movie for a “Second Helping” thing, you don’t know what someone who died 45 years ago would think of today and shouldn’t act like it.
Meanwhile, issues rise all over due to individual burdens and us having to watch this war and inhumane insanity.
I’m bonding with atheists despite being incredibly Christian, I feel I can never go to Texas, Tennessee or Florida, my sleep cycle is messed up and I’m war-weary as heck, not even wanting to take the effort to clean up. Fire Emblem, Fairy Tail, Tara Platt, Critical Role and music comfort me, but I fear I’m becoming obsessed and bothering them on Twitter.
I want to take off this mental burden, this endless fear of becoming nothing special or becoming evil.
No comments:
Post a Comment