It’s really hard to say you get therapy from Tara Platt’s Twitter because, to me, regular people will think you’re saying something along the lines of “I talk to Gorvax, the blob-man of Pluto.” It gets REALLY hard, like almost impossible, when you’ve seen people on DeviantArt draw Mitsuru and Edelgard getting murdered, in Hell and paraplegic, without a wheelchair, scheduled to be raped daily by a stranger for the rest of their lives with no chance for escape and I wish that were an exaggeration. I don’t know how people with such sick minds get any art skills beyond stick figures. I hate Rhea in that game for reminding me of the horrible people in my personal life who made me leave my second major Church in tears due to their aggressive legalism, but so long as they don’t press us, we’re fine with them. The demands for bars and irons come when they antagonize, terrorize and pressure us, like they’re God the potter and we’re the clay, but instead of compassion, they want to forge us in everything, including all the hideous prejudice, condemnation and violence in their souls. But arrests is enough, death if they try to kill us trying to arrest them as a last resort is ENOUGH, no excessive punishment. I honestly liked most in that game to sit down at tea parties with Edelgard and Annette, easing the emperor from her horrific childhood and spending time with the fun “cinnamon roll” of a woman. They both also like sweets, cats and the view from the bridge, and Tara and Abby were also both in Aggretsuko in similar roles to Three Houses if you recruit Annette and put her and Caspar together, except in a company in an office building, not an empire/army and without a war. I really like the humanity Yuri brings to Yosuke, Laura brings to Rise and Grace, Tara brings to Kali, Mitsuru and Edelgard, Colleen brings to Erza and Abby brings to Annette, and they share that humanity online. It’s going to sting when it’s reduced to videos and memories, not organic interactions, and I’m not sure how to deal with that. My apartment complex has people with serious mental demons (talk to themselves and answer, not going to try to diagnose), don’t speak my language (they seem nice), aggressive political beliefs against me and yeah, some people I’d call normal, but I don’t run into them that much. I’d invite people over, but it’s small and easy to make a mess in. Plus, I’m not sure I own much many people would enjoy partaking in. I have movies, but are they the right kind? I have games, but only 1 Switch controller.
I do not appreciate YouTube crapping all over one of my favorite bold musicians because she had difficulty adequately describing in less than a minute the emotions when a bold, strong artist she admired criticized her so harshly, yet she wants to bury the hatchet because that artist is dead now. I’m not completely over learning that Michael Sweet of Stryper would not be “Always There for You” in 2015-2016 unless you were in his box, which he would stretch for you if you were a straight, male Republican presidential candidate, not a pansexual, gender-fluid Democrat singer. I’m not completely over learning so many people in sitcoms I watched growing up about togetherness will toss you to the curb if they think you’re “bad,” rather than engage in discourse and say, “hey, I’m worried.” So, forgive me if I side with her because I don’t like such hypocritical, partisan BS on display to score points with a “fanbase” or “brand” rather than acting like what I think God would act like; gentle and open to communication, willing to learn the truth and the motivation, rather than a condemning, punitive monster!
I often see myself as a fool who got obsessed with Britney Spears, Miley Cyrus, Michael Sweet and Edelgard/Tara Platt because he kept thinking they’d have keys to something he thought he was missing. That something was confidence, and while they did have it, they couldn’t teach it because they were born with it, so they didn’t know what it was to lack it. They didn’t know what it was to be paralyzed with second-guesses, uncertainty…a bad case of nerves, the terror that their relatives would scream at them over anything. They were all fortunate; their Dads didn’t take the money in the account shared with their Moms and spend it on silly things without permission, then lie about it and make vacation plans behind the Moms’ back. This stressed Mom out and she screamed, she screamed at everyone and he punched holes in the wall, but it ended as they separated and filed the papers. It was a painful render, but a needed one. I detest a lack of control, it reminds me of then, which is why I work so hard, so aggressively, even though the results don’t always work. I want to fix the country, make it so no African-American worries while driving, no LGBTQ+ person worries at a club or ordering a wedding cake…and I can’t. I can’t make those simple acts as good for them as they are for my family and I. So, I keep thinking I’m a failure and when I slip up and accidentally say something offensive to a woman or minority, I REALLY feel like a monster. My emotions are hard to control with my mood disorders; they call it mental illness, but I don’t bark in public (or private, for that matter) just…you insult me, I’ll need to process that out loud and possibly yell about it before it leaves my system. The internet can be Hell in that regard, because some people dedicate their entire presence to being the worst they can be. I’d rather just share positive, because I know negativity doesn’t do anything but hurt, and if you’ve hurt, why’d you make someone else feel the same? I don’t understand the concept of hurt people can “take.” You can handle pain alone, but if you can help but don’t for no reason, that’s selfish. But I guess it’s time to show the ugly past and hope that inspires a better future, especially since there may be less ways to show soon.
Bonus Musical Quirk about me:
-My likely favorite year of music is 1975, with my top 10 songs probably “Saturday Night Special”-Lynyrd Skynyrd, “Godzilla Arrives”-Akira Ifukube, “Railroad Song (Live at Winterland)”-Lynyrd Skynyrd, “Bohemian Rhapsody”-Queen, “You Keep On Moving”-Deep Purple, “Landslide”-Fleetwood Mac, “Ten Years Gone”-Led Zeppelin, “Rhiannon”- Fleetwood Mac “In My Time of Dying”-Led Zeppelin and “Hole in the Sky” by Black Sabbath.
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