The loneliness of the Internet

               I’m better from the “get stuck and die” feeling I had before, but there are still internal problems in my head, and actually, a lot have to do with people; ordinary, daily people, not politicians.  Right-wing politicians are rotten and believe doing the minority thing is the right thing to do because they believe the majority is satanic and foolish, I learned that at my second major Church from several congregants in places of authority, though they were not pastors, they held a similar belief.  I also admit I may have interpreted the authority since I did not see myself as wise and they seemed respected.  The main thing is people who speak online don’t give a darn if they hurt you and seem to relish it in some cases.  The pain does not come from being an individual so much as it comes from the sense of loneliness while also feeling somebody out there feels as you do, but you can’t find them, you hack through the dense foliage of High School/College/The internet only to be reminded more and more how alone you are.

-You don’t find someone who likes Classic Skynyrd, Ozzy Osbourne, Judas Priest, Miley Cyrus, Ariana Grande and Brandi Carlile

-You don’t find someone who had lunch with Annette and Edelgard in Three Houses and talked to Annette, Edelgard and Fleche like they were real people (every other week and used activity points on them) or had both girl Byleth, girl Shez and Edelgard in Three Hopes on a pro-Adrestia team, as is your goal if you go back to that one.

-You don’t find art of Amalia and Berengaria from Unicorn Overlord together, not even just standing there waiting for a medieval bus or something

-You don’t find Mariner fans who also like Bo Bichette and Trea Turner as much as Julio, Mitch Haniger, Luke Raley and Cal Raleigh.

-You don’t find anyone who tries to not be rigid as heck with life, life spitting back at all your attempts to let fun and love lead, saying that everything needs strict, regimented rules, even leisure.

-You find triggers to your rigid, deep, superego-powered anger claiming that Adrestia was intended to be the villains in Three Houses when it was just one route, then made the villains’ route, claiming Dimitri’s based on Cloud and Edelgard’s based on Sephiroth and Robin as Grima, making you a Nintendo sinner with a fucked-up moral compass who can’t be listened to or trusted because he’s bathing in evil and should be silenced or forced to play Dimitri’s route so he can be a good person with no dangerous freedom of thoughts from scripture/what we, the angry anti-Edelgard group, approve of.  Also, you get the sense that internet users want to kill Tara Platt for voicing Edelgard and Mitsuru, thinking she is a worthless atheist human being who relies on Sagan, not Jesus and they hate Mitsuru and Edelgard that much with their hate art of them that features them dying or worse.

-You put the fun things together and spend your life putting those things together…alone.  And sometimes you put things together and life spits at you for putting those things together and no one is there in your apartment as it shifts from afternoon to evening to night to reassure you as you feel so unbearably alone in your uniqueness.