I don't know how to handle this. It feels like there are 16-17 voices in my head yelling at me to be perfect, anticipate everything from online posting and that I'm not doing enough. I can barely look at my email or Facebook anymore, there is too much worry that paralyzes me and revs up those voices. The voices want me to donate until I'm over $1,000 in debt, believing that will change things. I've found replacements for the books, CDs and figurines from Amazon; World of Books, MP3s and Entertainment Earth, but my mind wants to punish me by having me delete the pre-orders I made to finish up my business there. Two just arrived this last weekend, a gift for Cortney and the deluxe edition of Bon Jovi's "Slippery When Wet."
I am losing it over YouTube. I try to find Edelgard, Annette and Tara Platt-related voice videos, which results in the algorithm thinking I want to watch Dimitri stuff, which will cast Edelgard as an over-the-top, punishes her friends villainess who burns things down, lets flow rivers of blood and deserves death. I dated her and Annette in the game, getting the video game relationship as high as it could go, which makes me really want to play Rune Factory: Guardians of Azuma and Date Everything. Right now, I'm playing Pokemon Scarlet, which is fun, I'm getting all the Pokemon I want, but I'm nervous about getting wiped out by gym leaders and other bosses. I also need to be an experience level I'm not yet to finish off the challenges of the Elite Four and Cassiopeia. Even then, my anxiety worries I'm selecting the wrong types to challenge them with. It'd be better if I didn't worry about using the screenshots for my BlueSky profile, but I've gotten such positive reactions to doing that. I also have a pimple on my spine on the back of my neck that is causing me a lot of pain and someone said my Women's History Month playlist was "so white."
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