Personal thoughts on Social Media and Video Games

 Someone made a list of nine "comfort characters."  I made a similar list that numbered 12:

 

A dozen comfort characters:

1.)    Samus Aran (Metroid/Smash Bros.)

2.)    Princess Zelda (Legend of Zelda/Hyrule Warriors/Smash Bros.)

3.)    Yang Xiao Long (RWBY/Blazblue Crosstag Battle)

4.)    Blake Belladonna (RWBY/Blazblue Crosstag Battle)

5.)    Edelgard (Fire Emblem; Three Houses)

6.)    Byleth (Fire Emblem; Three Houses)

7.)    Erza Scarlet (Fairy Tail)

8.)    Wendy Marvell (Fairy Tail)

9.)    Annette (Fire Emblem; Three Houses)

10.) Petra (Fire Emblem; Three Houses)

11.) Rise Kujikawa (Persona)

12.) Callie (Splatoon)

 

I don’t like touching the dozen characters above unless it’s for comedic purposes or personal growth, which is why the developments in Fairy Tail 100 Years Quest kind of disturb me, it reminds me of a fan fiction where someone effectively murdered Erza and Wendy in the name of boners.  I doubt they’ll be “murdered” here again, but the similarity is enough to trigger a bit of irritability and stressful feelings.  I’ve seen too many fan fictions where someone tore these characters down into slobs, nerds or subhuman monsters and it makes me want to die because they make me happy.  It’s why I want to cut off DeviantArt, video games, anime and manga, so I don’t have to deal with people doing this shit anymore and I can just make a peaceful ending where nothing horrific ever happens to them again and they all spar in Smash Bros. and eat out together for the rest of their days, the end.  We all deserve that to be our fate in the end, a life with family and friends and no more psychotic monstrosities trying to ruin our lives or sanity, a life of peace.

 

I can’t take how horrific people can be to these characters, so I’m going to stop having anything to do with fiction very soon.  I will just get Metroid Dread, MiiTopia and Splatoon 3 (and maybe some other games that haven’t been announced yet, 13 Sentinels doesn’t look like my cup of tea), and the Fairy Youkais arc of that manga, then retire from purchasing that and all that they’ll get for my money are the movies until I die while my main focus will be music and baseball.  You beat me up too many times, now I hardly feel comfortable writing any fan fiction, feeling like anything I write will involve them going through worse and worse shit, making their lives suffer horrendously.  I already despise all the crap fan fiction I wrote over the last decade and a half where they didn’t power through it, which was too often because DeviantArt only cares about boners, fapping and fucking.  Apparently, though, that doesn’t matter to the vast majority of fucking perverted high schoolers who rule DeviantArt, who treat them worse than shit, like a combination of shit and whores.  It makes me wish I’d just take a knife and plunge it into my heart and die, because it shows humanity without compassion, soulless monsters who would assault and rape you as soon as look at you.  Hell almost seems too good for them.  If I could, I would hunt them down and murder them all myself to keep the world safe from their toxicity.  They are the reason pro-choice needs to be legal, women aren’t safe otherwise.  They worship their god, 45, and like him, they should hang for crimes against humanity.

 

 I have a metric ton of anxiety regarding the future, the stuff after Christmas.  Will curiosity get the better of me and I’ll betray one of my favorite video games/voice actresses just to see how the “other path” goes, despite the knowledge she deserves a good life and for her dreams of a meritocracy to come true?  Will I balance my monthly budgets for each event I want to see, though it means less free spending on MP3s and other fun things unless I’m willing to eat less?  March has K.Flay, April has Aly and AJ, May is my Birthday, June might have Brandi Carlile and definitely has visiting Dad and going to Mt. Rainier, July has the Mariners vs. the Blue Jays, August has a 4 band 80s rock celebration of Joan Jett, Poison, Motley Crue and Def Leppard I’ve been waiting for since December 2019 and September has the Mariners vs. the Braves.  All sound fun and wonderful, but all are also expensive and require $40 in the hostel if it’s reopened and roundtrip Greyhound tickets (save June, May also doesn’t require anything).  It’s a little rough to know almost half the year is going to require intense scrutiny of my budget or it will hurt in that “missed medication/missed food” kind of way which no one wants.  Will my neighbors tire of me playing video games, metal music and music by LGBTQ+ musicians and come in and “beat some sense into me?”  That fear has run prevalent for years with Michael’s revivalist sermons being broadcast on an almost-daily basis.  Sermons that practically call for the lynching of AAPI people, people who listen to Miley Cyrus, K.Flay and Judas Priest, the condemnation of Ozzy Osbourne and his fan base, calling Seattle’s grunge movement the “Church of atheism, homosexuality and anarchy.”  I often “live” in fear in my room, afraid to talk to him, afraid at some point he’ll just assault me until I start bleeding profusely, saying that God has ordered him to do so.  I am terrified.  Budgeting in general fills me with fear.  The Fairy Girls getting turned into Youkai reminds me of soul-of-platinum’s fan fiction where they got turned into Pokémon by a trainer who used them to attack the others as part of her goals to conquer the Pokémon world, killing their personalities and distorting their bodies, effectively murdering them, and he implied it was permanent, so they could’ve been bred with wild Pokémon, unaware they were once human.  I don’t even know if things will turn out okay here, either, I have optimism based on later chapter images and reviews, but the flashbacks are overpowering my ability to calm myself down.  It actually made playing Pokémon Shield difficult at times, because all I could think with certain types is “that’s (this character), I have to rescue her!”  I even think that fighting certain Spirit Battles in Smash Bros. Ultimate.  I used to fear losing my identity and being brainwashed into someone else’s mindless puppet or that this would happen to the people I loved the most, this story showed that happen in graphic detail and was praised for that.

 

Is it okay if I retire from DeviantArt and Twitter right now?  I’m not feeling like I belong there anymore.  I’ve lost any and all confidence in myself as a video games player, as an anime and/or manga fan or as anyone who makes nerd decisions.  I’d like to just turn it off because all I do is upset everybody.  I want to go home, go forget my Switch experiences and manga and just enjoy my music, which I don’t feel anyone judge me for.  I get into online fights over my Switch games, as well as the most dangerous obsessions I’ve had in nearly 10 years, to the point I actually want to hunt down users through their web connection and execute them for disagreeing with me.  I am a psychotic monster who seeks to murder people for having differences in their opinion, I am no better than 45.  To that end, I should be placed in prison for the rest of my natural life or executed for my thoughts.  Please, end my life, murder me for my psychosis and hatred of God’s children, for being the lowest form of life, a psychopath “in defense of women.”  Execute me with a nail gun, I have no regrets other than I didn’t stop myself from becoming a monster. 

 

 I have a ton of anxiety around DeviantArt, I would love to end my career there and only use Twitter and Facebook from here on out, but I have to admit, I have a bunch of fear around all non-Facebook social media.  The Switch will eventually be replaced, will I get all the games I want for it?  My income and desires for music, baseball and other activities after being cooped up for about two years say “no way, not even with a ton of gift cards.”  So, all the voice actors and actresses move on to other projects for this new system that I won’t be able to afford and will have no connection or understanding to.  Therefore, I’ll probably have to unfollow them on Twitter or quit it altogether, and probably quit DeviantArt altogether if I haven’t already because everyone will be embracing the new games and anime that I have no point of reference for and likely never will have any.  This is why I keep trying to set premature limits on the games, manga and anime I buy and ask for on myself, set an early stopping point so I’m ready when the announcement of the Switch replacement arrives.  The thing is, it keeps being so rigid and harsh when I keep wanting to try what I don’t have.  Right now; I definitely want Metroid Dread, MiiTopia and Splatoon 3, but am also willing to try Pokémon Brilliant Diamond, Pokémon Legends Arceus, Chocobo GP, 13 Sentinels; Aegis Rim and a Naruto fighting game that includes the cast from the sequel series Boruto, totaling a playable roster of 124 ninjas.  However, there’s no way I or my family could afford that plus whatever will be available that interests me by the time the Switch is retired, so I keep trying to beat the curiosity out of me.  Now, all I am is sad and curious if they would be fun games or not.