Pain

     It's been longer than usual, I've been following the Mariners and Phillies and, to a lesser extent, the Orioles, as the regular season draws to a close.  Yes, I am disappointed the Mariners didn't make the playoffs, but I feel they put together a competent team with Julio, Cal Raleigh, Luke Raley, Randy Arozarena, Victor Robles, Logan Gilbert, George Kirby, Bryce Miller and Bryan Woo.  I imagine with Tyler Locklear and Harry Ford and a few acquisitions, this team will be good enough for a wild card spot.  The Phillies and Orioles have no problems, and the biggest lesson the Mariners can learn from them is to humanize the players more, show them at leisure, not just playing baseball and talking about how well they did.  Maybe it won't improve the team, but it gives a sense of connection and community with the team.

 

   Now, onto the title.  No, it isn't about politics, though those running the fundraisers have no confidence in the people they are trying to convince unless they have tons of money, money I can't afford to give.  It all started with that, giving $80, then ending up overdrawn because I had to buy my brother and sister-in-law's presents, because I scheduled that time to do it.  The next week, it was food and iTunes that put me in the red, same with the week after,  This week, it was iTunes, an Amazon order and needing to eat that put me in the red until Monday, and my sink backed up today for the first time in years, and I keep feeling sad because I keep remembering this old Chuck Jones cartoon called "Tom Thumb in Trouble" made a couple years before he was funny and it's about this lumberjack-looking man reduced to tears because he thinks Tom died in a blizzard and he has to bathe him in his cupped hands and take care of him from everything.  Also I've seen too much politics about how the fat right wing doofus is an imbecile and too much gossip about how BRC may not love his ex-wife or his middle, 1992-born daughter anymore or ever again and hearing Twitter become a mindless Johnny Depp cult and people call Gal Gadot a "Zionist who can't act" and wish for Amber Heard's death.  And I can't take it.  Haven't I been through enough?  I'm trying to influence the algorithm of YouTube with performance videos and music videos and it's doing no good and all I want to do is cry.  I am spending more and more days feeling too hurt to recognize any goodness in the world.  I just want it to stop.