Insecurity

 

I am not comfortable with Twitter anymore.  I am pretty sure my insecurity has built a wall between Tara Platt and I, so it is useless.  Sure, we believe different things, but she was helpful, unlike all the others who just aggravated my mind when I needed help.  “You’re a Christian, you need to read your Bible more.”  “Why don’t you just not go to Church, soldiers are just paid murderers.”  She was the Fallon version of Garden Street, my Dad’s family and my game-playing cousins who are raising two daughters.  I see myself as trouble, unable to deal with problems because of this damn anxiety and depression, making me second-guess decisions, scared of loss or my status quo being disrupted.  This makes me good at being an ally, I don’t want the LGBTQ+ community to experience aggressive upheaval after I experienced such by losing family members and being lectured, why would I want people who get that just by hand-holding to suffer the same?  I keep feeling I need to prove my want for Edelgard to not hurt any more was valid, mostly because so many like Dimitri or Claude or are homophobic or think she was too violent.  I firmly believe she had no choice in that world, nothing was going to change.  We are sometimes called to do something risky, difficult and with a chance of death for the good of many; the Bible has Esther, the 20^th Century has Dietrich Bonhoeffer and Martin Luther King Jr., modern times have Dolly Parton, Brandi Carlile, Miley Cyrus, Yuri Lowenthal and Tara Platt.  If you don’t think what they do is dangerous, Dolly received death threats for writing and singing a pro-trans song and you just have to look at the cult of Trump and their Epiphany Insurrection on all the capitols to know they would publicly execute anyone they want, either LGBTQ+, protestor or even loyal cult member, to ensure the continuation of their cult.

 

Entertainment is getting hard.

Godzilla; King of the Monsters (2019)

Fire Emblem; Three Houses/Fire Emblem; Engage

Kaizoku Sentai Gokaiger

Super Paper Mario*

Red vs. Blue Season 10

Dolly Parton’s “Rockstar” album

These are all peaks in the fields of heroic kaiju movie, Fire Emblem game/storytelling, Super Sentai/Power Rangers, Mario games (*until Super Mario Bros. Wonder, though that’s due to the large playable cast) Red vs. Blue and Rock and Roll albums, by which I mean when we went back to something more ordinary and regular that followed, it was dry and flavorless by comparison.  It did its genre so well, no one else could touch it without coming across as an unfunny joke (note that Metal, Pop and Country are not Rock and Roll, this might also be temporary, but it’s hard to see someone making something this star-studded and passionate again) so they might as well have not bothered with me.  As such, my future is question marks in terms of entertainment outside of baseball, 2 albums and Godzilla Minus One.  I honestly wish there was something new I could get passionate about, I doubt there will be a new game with more Godzilla than Gigabash, or teamups of Edelgard, Annette and Lysithea or Mitsuru with Rise Kujikawa beyond my Mii fighters in Smash Bros., so it feels like it’s those things, Super Mario Bros. Wonder, Super Mario RPG and just random music here and there from here on out, which feels like a mighty river has dried to a trickle.  I suppose I deserve it for being insecure with this stupid anxiety and depression.