The not-safe-for-social media version of what "sorry, Seattle" means

     This is mainly due to an opinion piece I read in the Sporting News back when the Seahawks were going against the Steelers for the Super Bowl.  Warning, harsh language, vulgar descriptions of violence and general inhumane nature all around.

"We're not sorry, you suck, and we're pointing out you suck. You're the worst sports city and baseball franchise in the history of the planet and the human race, and you don't even deserve to exist, because you were brought about by a bunch of whiners filing a lawsuit.  Your music sucks, because your musicians can’t stay alive and kill themselves, they don’t deserve to exist and grunge is annoying and worthless, lifeless metal trash, and Ann Wilson’s worthlessly obese and past her singing days and Geoff Tate’s a worthless asshole who got replaced by a kid from Tampa with values who’s a quadrillion times more talented than him.  You’re all a bunch of stoned, cracked out of their goddamn minds, worthless hippies who deserve to have an H-Bomb dropped on you and we’re going to make sure Trump does that and wipe your filthy, shit-stained, crack-fueled selves off the planet and do Earth a favor and save the galaxy a meteor.  You are anti-American, pathetic, worthless and you all deserve to die in a fire after being raped up the ass with a railroad spike.  I hope this spiel did convince some more of you to commit suicide, because that would actually increase your worth.  We hate you, hope you die and are working to make that hope reality.  Fuck you, signed, Major League Baseball.”

 

    I don't trust a lot of humanity to be kind or okay anymore, which leads to this.  I spent 4 years thinking every day there'd be an executive order sending my LGBTQ+ friends, my fellow Allies and I to permafrost concentration camps or that North Korea was going to nuke Seattle, San Francisco and Los Angeles off the map or that the obese dictator would do it as a false flag operation to inspire war with North Korea.  I'm giving up on Twitter and I sent the last sentence as a last-ditch effort to make people see my side, it won't work, but I'm trying to make sure I don't have to face my worst fears.  Funnily enough, I think I will see my 2025 baseball games against the Orioles and Dodgers in spite of it all, and maybe a convention with Tara Platt and Abby Trott.  I know I already met Tara Platt, but I've accomplished more with her characters since Anime Washington, which has helped me maintain joy as things look dark.  Yesterday, after 2 years, I finally got a picture of Edelgard and Byleth eating lunch together in Three Hopes and I feel accomplished.

This makes me very happy, just to hear Tara and Jeannie's voices and making their characters happy and bringing them closer together.  It also relieves a huge amount of stress I was feeling all month.  But still, I'm not optimistic because so many people and situations are terrible and there's nothing I can do about them.  I wish I could speak to them, but nothing I say will convince them to see my side as human and not "made by satanic communists and would-be murderers."  Our country is dying due to that and there is nothing I can do, no words I can scream to heal it.  This makes me very sad.

Confession

     A week ago Monday, I started re-taking Trazodone to lower my anxiety about what the attempted assassination on Trump would mean for the election, namely, fears that all voters on the fence would forget about Project 2025, think it's just a Democrat lie to put Trump in the mud and that he is innocent because "guilty people are never the target of assassins."  But I have bad reactions to this medication, and I honestly have been suspecting Trump of being the antichrist since 2016, and before that time, I always saw the antichrist as someone who would imprison the Christian left and the LGBTQ+ community in permafrost concentration camps that make Auschwitz look like a 5-star resort.  With the Supreme Court Decision on July 1st, it seems everything is lining up just as my imagination always feared.

 

    Naturally, this terrifies me.  I can't predict the outcome of baseball games, but I can apparently predict my own apparent demise, as well as the demise of my family, my friends and my heroes?  It feels like a nightmare, yet I can't wake up.  I know it may not happen, I want desperately for it to not happen, but all these things line up with a long group of fears so "perfectly" I can't see any possibility other than this is going to happen.  I can stop the Trazodone, but this mindset, that this evil is perfectly set up to match over a decade and a half of fear, won't leave.

 

    This whole mentality reminds me of people who would guilt-trip you for listening to Led Zeppelin, Van Halen, Sammy Hagar, Black Sabbath, Miley Cyrus, Ariana Grande and several other Hard Rock/Metal and Pop acts so hard you'd feel like a serial killer.  I don't want to go back.  It pained me to leave, feeling that agony of loneliness and the idea that these now-strangers were once my friends, but they would now say things that would hurt me.  I was living my life in pain and had to leave and now I'm afraid I'll be sent back to a place that won't allow your answer for current favorite song to be a 3-way tie between "The Climb," "Flowers" and "Victim of Changes (Live)," but the only metal you're allowed is Stryper and Bloodgood, the only Pop and Hard Rock you're allowed is CCM and your favorite non-CCM genre is Country and the only exception to these rules is The Beatles, as a group only.

 

    To end on a high note, the Mariners released their 2025 schedule.  If I'm wrong and everything is okay next year, I aim to see the Mariners vs. the Baltimore Orioles on June 3rd or 4th and vs. the Los Angeles Dodgers on the last Friday of September.  I'm also going to get a Godzilla art book today and a Temari Funko Pop.  We have waited for years for Temari to get one, now Tara Platt has her very own Funko Pop.  I will pose it with my Nezuko, Erza and Momo Funko Pops (I keep imagining a crossover 90s beat-em-up game with these 4 as the playable characters, like Turtles in Time) and next week, I'll buy a Konan Funko Pop because Temari and Konan's voice actresses play Edelgard and Mercedes in Fire Emblem; Three Houses and Fire Emblem Warriors; Three Hopes.  In case you're from Facebook and missed it, Mercedes is voiced by Dorothy Fahn, who also voiced Kaoru in Ruroni Kenshin, Lilymon from Digimon and Konan in Naruto.  She is also a Trekkie who loves the Dodgers and the Angels.  I'll talk more some other time.

In spite of it all, the darkness persists

     I did have fun on my trip, I got to share with my Dad and his wife my plushies based on Fire Emblem; Three Houses and Genshin Impact and I prayed at my Church on Sunday for Mom's COVID, my Social Security getting reduced and the voice actors of the House Leaders, Protagonists and Annette in Fire Emblem; Three Houses and Fire Emblem Warriors; Three Hopes as they continue to work at voice acting and deal with the fears of AI software being used to attempt to replace them.  I'd tell them, but I don't know how much they believe in prayer to help, I just know I can't shoulder their worries without help.

    Yesterday, I donated to Kamala Harris' campaign because I think she will be a great leader if given the opportunity, but I have to admit it...I feel it's all in vain.  My brain still sees Trump as the fulfillment of Revelation's prophecies, which to me says he will definitely win the election and make Project 2025 a reality on America, for the Beast must assume full power and wage war with God's people with his army.  God's people have not yet undergone the Great Tribulation, which means Trump is here to bring it to separate the wheat from the chaff and see who will sell us out for their own safety or kill us with the promise of a Presidential Medal of Freedom.  And keep in mind, all I've read in the last few days is Biden has withdrawn and nominated Kamala Harris as his replacement.  This stopped being just anxiety when days before the 2016 election, I said "if he wins, he's the antichrist."  He won, God sent me a sign, Donald Trump is the bringer of the apocalypse and is here to persecute the Christian left and imprison them in permafrost camps that make Auschwitz seem like a 5-star resort.  I thought that back in 2016, now everything is aligned to make that reality.  Flee to Canada if you have the proper paperwork, it will be worse than the Holocaust here for many decades to come.

    Before that happens, I'm going to see Judas Priest one last time and possibly Halestorm and Evanescence as well.  I am also going to see Experience Hendrix with Zakk Wylde less than a month before that.  I will also see the Mariners play the Phillies on August 2nd and am now expecting a Phillies blowout with back-to-back home runs by Turner and Harper at least twice.

Some glumness being let out

     I THOUGHT I had an appointment with my counselor yesterday, but I called to remember the time and found out we didn't have anything set up and the earliest we could get together was the 26th.  With that in mind, I want to share some feelings I've had since last time.

    I've felt more helplessness than usual and more terror than usual.  I've felt a sense of dread for years, but it kicked into Overdrive these last few days and it was hard to get out of.  I mostly worry about the fate of the LGBTQ+ community, but it's not because I think if Trump wins he'll sign an executive order sending them to concentration camps January 20th.  It's more because that community has been a source of calm and relaxation for a very long time, ever since Miley Cyrus appeared in a Hannah Montana episode where she had anxiety over surgery a few months after I had my spinal fusion surgery and the morphine failed one night.  Even without that happening, getting cut open with a scalpel is scary, so it meant a lot that Disney Channel covered such an issue so close to mine.  Since then, my relationship has gone on so much with their musicians and video game characters that I had a very busy June this year being deliberate, nothing was just "oh, it's from this person, I'll post it," but pre-listened to or watched on Spotify, YouTube or iTunes.  I'm a straight person, but I can fill your June with music by LGBTQ+ musicians and Fire Emblem; Three Houses fanart and screenshots.

    Remembering that improves my mood, but it does create anxiety that we're entering an age where this talent is useless or more people are going to complain, saying "those people tried to kill my President" or words to that effect.  I know it is the worry of not being able to post or play without headphones songs like "Don't Call Me Angel," "Victim of Changes," "Breaking the Law," "Thousand Miles," "The Story," "Philadelphia Freedom," "The Climb" and "Bohemian Rhapsody" that terrifies me to the point that I think drastic action may need to be an option.  This shows why it should never be, but the thought of being unable to show off that side of me, like I was for so long in my old Church, bothers me rather heavily.  I could leave that place, I don't have the paperwork to immigrate to Canada and it's unlikely they'd take someone who'd need Social Security.

    This, as well as napping and going to bed early last night, has been helpful.  I only hope I can keep up the rising calm feeling.  Until next time.

Favorite 100 songs of the 21st Century right now/Elephant in the room

     Last week I saw that "Top 100 books of the 21st Century" was trending, presumably because we're near the quarter-mark.  I don't have enough literary knowledge to make a list like that, but I can list 100 of my favorite songs of this century.

 

Top 100 favorite songs of the 21^st Century (July 2024 edition):

1.)    The Climb-Miley Cyrus (2009)

2.)    I Love You This Much-Billy Ray Cyrus (2003)

3.)    Now and Then-The Beatles (2023)

4.)    Guardians/Rising From Ruins-Judas Priest (2018)

5.)    KARATE-BabyMetal (2016)

6.)    Godzilla-Bear McCreary feat. Serj Tankian (2019)

7.)    Escape from the Machines-Bear McCreary feat. Slash and Joe Satriani (2024)

8.)    Dub Love-Big Lugg with Yuri Lowenthal and Tara Platt (2022)

9.)    Don’t Call Me Angel-Ariana Grande, Miley Cyrus, Lana del Rey (2019)

10.) The Key to Coexistence/Goodbye Old Friend-Bear McCreary (2019)

11.) American Rock and Roll-Don Felder with Slash and Chad Smith (2019)

12.) Stand Still-Billy Ray Cyrus (2003)

13.) Nothing Else Matters-Miley Cyrus, Andrew Watt, Robert Trujillo, Elton John, Yo-Yo Ma, Chad Smith (2021)

14.) Breaking the Law (Live)-Judas Priest (2016)

15.) Iron Man (Live)-Black Sabbath (2017)

16.) FLOWERS-Miley Cyrus (2023)

17.) Cochise-Audioslave (2003)

18.) Battle in Boston-Bear McCreary (2019)

19.) King of the Monsters-Bear McCreary (2019)

20.) Free Man-Sammy Hagar and the Circle (2019)

21.) Stormbringer-Whitesnake (2015)

22.) Well I Never-Whitesnake (2019)

23.) Whole Lotta Love (Live)-Sammy Hagar and the Circle (2015)

24.) I Can’t Drive 55 (Live)-Sammy Hagar and the Circle (2015)

25.) Outshined (Live)-Soundgarden (2019)

26.) Rusty Cage (Live)-Soundgarden (2019)

27.) If She Ever Leaves Me-The Highwomen (2019)

28.) The Story-Brandi Carlile (2007)

29.) Raise Hell-Brandi Carlile (2012)

30.) Mainstream Kid-Brandi Carlile (2015)

31.) Sinners, Saints and Fools-Brandi Carlile (2021)

32.) Broken Horses-Brandi Carlile (2021)

33.) You and Me on the Rock-Brandi Carlile, Lucius (2021)

34.) Right on Time-Brandi Carlile (2021)

35.) Methademic-Black Sabbath (2013)

36.) Patient Number 9-Ozzy Osbourne, Jeff Beck (2022)

37.) Eat Me-Ozzy Osbourne (2020)

38.) Degradation Rules-Ozzy Osbourne, Tony Iommi (2022)

39.) Parasite-Ozzy Osbourne, Zakk Wylde (2022)

40.) Straight to Hell-Ozzy Osbourne (2020)

41.) Take What You Want-Ozzy Osbourne, Post Malone, Travis Scott (2019)

42.) Midnight Sky-Miley Cyrus

43.) Thousand Miles-Miley Cyrus, Brandi Carlile (2023)

44.) Edge of Midnight-Miley Cyrus, Stevie Nicks (2020)

45.) Night Crawlin’-Miley Cyrus, Billy Idol, Taylor Hawkins (2020)

46.) KAGEROU-BabyMetal (2019)

47.) Elevator Girl (English)-BabyMetal (2019)

48.) METALI-BabyMetal, Tom Morello (2023)

49.) Headbangeeeeerrrrrr-BabyMetal (2015)

50.) Ratatata-BabyMetal, Electric Callboy (2024)

51.) Waiting on a War-Foo Fighters (2021)

52.) You Should Be Dancing-DeeGees (2021)

53.) Shadow Dancing-DeeGees (2021)

54.) Zombie-Miley Cyrus (2020)

55.) Heart of Glass-Miley Cyrus (2020)

56.) Hey Elvis-Billy Ray Cyrus, Bryan Adams, Glenn Hughes (2016)

57.) Tulsa Time-Billy Ray Cyrus, Joe Perry (2016)

58.) Panic Attack-Judas Priest (2024)

59.) Crown of Horns-Judas Priest (2024)

60.) Yes, and-Ariana Grande (2024)

61.) No tears left to cry-Ariana Grande (2018)

62.) Supernatural-Ariana Grande, Troye Sivan (2024)

63.) Until I Left You-Joel Hoekstra’s 13 (2015)

64.) Southern Rain-Billy Ray Cyrus (2000)

65.) Poor Everybody Else-Carrie Underwood (2022)

66.) Love Wins-Carrie Underwood (2018)

67.) Jesus Take the Wheel-Carrie Underwood (2005)

68.) Crazy Angels-Carrie Underwood (2022)

69.) Ready, Set, Don’t Go-Billy Ray Cyrus, Miley Cyrus (2007)

70.) You’ve Got A Friend-Billy Ray Cyrus, Emily Osment (2007)

71.) Who Will Know-Shiro Sagisu (2016)

72.) The Crow-Black Country Communion (2017)

73.) Luv Can-Bon Jovi (2020)

74.) Lower the Flag-Bon Jovi (2020)

75.) Unbroken-Bon Jovi (2020)

76.) The Peoples’ House-Bon Jovi (2024)

77.) Without You-Billy Ray Cyrus (2000)

78.) Egypt Fight-Tom Holkenborg (2024)

79.) Godzilla -1.0 Godzilla Suite 1-Naoki Sato (2023)

80.) Godzilla -1.0 Godzilla Suite 2-Naoki Sato (2023)

81.) Edge of Dawn-AmaLee (2019)

82.) Worthy-Casey Lee Williams and Ariyel (2023)

83.) Bmblb-Casey Lee Williams (2017)

84.) Edge of Dawn-FamilyJules (2019)

85.) She’s Not Him-Miley Cyrus (2017)

86.) Malibu-Miley Cyrus (2017)

87.) Free Bird-Dolly Parton, Ronnie Van Zant, Gary Rossington, Artimus Pyle (2023)

88.) Thrillbilly-Billy Ray Cyrus (2009)

89.) What Has Rock and Roll Ever Done For You-Dolly Parton, Stevie Nicks (2023)

90.) Bygones-Dolly Parton, Rob Halford (2023)

91.) Every Beginning Ends-Noah Cyrus, Ben Gibbard (2022)

92.) Noah (Stand Still)-Noah Cyrus, Billy Ray Cyrus (2022)

93.) Lady Double Dealer-Whitesnake (2015)

94.) When the Levee Breaks (Live)-Sammy Hagar and the Circle (2015)

95.) Rock and Roll (Live)-Sammy Hagar and the Circle (2015)

96.) Promise-Slash and Chris Cornell (2010)

97.) The Gypsy-Whitesnake (2015)

98.) After All-Whitesnake (2019)

99.) Love Reign Down-Black Label Society (2021)

100.)                     Straight Through the Heart-Halestorm (2014)

 

This may just show off my recency bias, but I am pleased with it right now. 

I honestly need to address yesterday's events.  All I could think initially, and the anxiety still weighs on my mind, is a panic.  A panic that the Red Tsunami is finally here due to the outrage and that the Democrats will be eliminated and there will be an LGBTQ+ Holocaust out of Vengeance.  This is a 9/11, Pearl Harbor sort of situation, demanding retribution in blood based on the fanatic screams the right wing has brought forth for years.  That shooter behaved exactly as the Republican party thinks Democrats behave and as such, condemned us all.  It doesn't matter if he was Democrat or not, his actions reflect angry Democrats such as myself, and now a "Kill Every Last One Of Them" mentality will cover the Republican party, which will have full support from all the swing voters.

And I hate that that's all I can think.  My brain is so obsessed with the notion that Donald Trump is Satan incarnate, here to bring the Great Tribulation on pro-LGBTQ+ Christianity, that I can't feel sad that someone hit him with a bullet and made him bleed beyond those actions will lead to punishment for all my friends.  8 years of aggression have dehumanized him to thoroughly I feel no empathy, and I hate it.  It's not how someone of my religion should react.  I should feel sad, I should condemn this act beyond just the pain it might bring me.  George W. Bush was right to call it "cowardly."  It was also psychotic, and the kind of uncaring for humanity that is the very irritant for years for me.  My LGBTQ+ friends want to be treated normal, and they deserve that.  We deserve a country without violence.  We deserve a country without hateful rhetoric and threats.  We deserve peace in America, and that will never come from the barrel of a gun.