Out of Control

     I've had a lot of tension lately and I'm worrying it's taking adverse affects on my health.  I accidentally cut parts of my skin and they take a while to heal.  I may be posting a ton of LGBTQ+ musicians' songs and fictional character moments, but I know I need less Facebook and Twitter in my life, especially Facebook.  Both remind me how out of control everything feels.  I can't even enjoy Trump's incarceration because I'm just thinking he'll be released again, that the Supreme Court will rule it an illegal trial as they rule that he can't be prosecuted for January 6th.  

 

    I wrote this on Saturday; You want to know what makes me feel “old,” Twitter? I remember a time when this country would’ve tossed that obese would-be dictator out as a Nazi because it actually stood for something. I remember a time when the internet couldn’t ruin your reputation so bad with rumors your movies were forced to be straight to DVD in Australia only and you’re a US citizen. I remember when people didn’t hate Chris Pratt and assume he’s homophobic just because he’s a Christian. I remember when Christianity was respected and not the enemy of the African-American and the LGBTQ+ people and not swarmed by white supremacist conspiracy theorists trying to purify America who think Hitler was the hero and Churchill and FDR the villains! I remember when CEOs respected employees and didn’t try to starve them using strikes! I remember when YouTube wasn’t a bunch of whiners who wanted something or other to die, whether it’s Pop Music, certain board games, certain video game companies or restrictions on AI software.

 

    I've since found out that the people freaking out about Israel assaulting Gaza are blocking Gal Gadot and Taylor Swift.  It's probably very hard on them to talk about seeing lots of people die and in Gal's case, seeing her home country in so much pain and rage and has dehumanized its neighbors.  They are like us after Pearl Harbor, it doesn't matter if you're good Japanese or bad Japanese, you're Japanese so we must punish you and destroy your homeland in fire.  I've seen enough of the artistic Godzilla films to know the fire bombs, the A-Bombs, the Island Hopping, it all seems heroic to us, but from their eyes, it was a 50-meter unrelenting monster shoving buildings to the ground, incinerating the innocent. I want to remove myself, watch from the outside and pray for peace, remembering that in the 80 years since, the US and Japan have become brothers.

 

    I guess this whole time I've wanted to feel in charge of my life, like nothing would come that I couldn't handle.  I've never felt that way and I'm scared because I feel like I'm supposed to feel in charge.  I don't even know fully what I need to do to feel more in charge, you give me a routine, I just get obsessed with the routine, then the routine's in charge.  I want control, of myself and my world.